Below is the revised draft of our personal narrative with revision and proofreading help from the fourth-graders. We hope you like it!
Jake
His name was Jake. I'm pretty sure that was his name although I didn't know his owners. He was the neighborhood dog from across the street. We had lots of fun together, but there was one adventure I'll never forget.
I used to run a three mile route around the neighborhood about three or four times a week. One day Jake started following me as I left the driveway. Thinking he would soon turn around and go home, I kept running. Every time I turned, expecting him to be gone, there he was running right behind me.
After a few blocks I noticed we were approaching a dangerous situation. Two boys in Halloween masks glared at us from the street corner. I could tell they were the neighborhood troublemakers, Roscoe and Jed. Jed had a BB gun and demanded I give him two dollars. Meanwhile, Jake let out a deep growl.
As Jake's growl grew louder and more threatening, Roscoe and Jed were so scared they began to shake. Then Jake snarled and bared his large teeth. That caused both Roscoe and Jed to pee their pants and run off screaming in high-pitched voices. In fact, Jed was so terrified that he dropped the BB gun before running off like a scared rabbit. I picked it up and smashed it in two against a telephone pole.
After that, Jake and I went on many more runs together through the neighborhood. I suppose he was my bodyguard as well as my running companion, but I still don’t know who he belonged to. A few years ago he passed away. I will never forget Jake.
His name was Jake. I'm pretty sure that was his name although I didn't know his owners. He was the neighborhood dog from across the street. We had lots of fun together, but there was one adventure I'll never forget.
I used to run a three mile route around the neighborhood about three or four times a week. One day Jake started following me as I left the driveway. Thinking he would soon turn around and go home, I kept running. Every time I turned, expecting him to be gone, there he was running right behind me.
After a few blocks I noticed we were approaching a dangerous situation. Two boys in Halloween masks glared at us from the street corner. I could tell they were the neighborhood troublemakers, Roscoe and Jed. Jed had a BB gun and demanded I give him two dollars. Meanwhile, Jake let out a deep growl.
As Jake's growl grew louder and more threatening, Roscoe and Jed were so scared they began to shake. Then Jake snarled and bared his large teeth. That caused both Roscoe and Jed to pee their pants and run off screaming in high-pitched voices. In fact, Jed was so terrified that he dropped the BB gun before running off like a scared rabbit. I picked it up and smashed it in two against a telephone pole.
After that, Jake and I went on many more runs together through the neighborhood. I suppose he was my bodyguard as well as my running companion, but I still don’t know who he belonged to. A few years ago he passed away. I will never forget Jake.
Mr. Burnett and Room 17
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